Someone shit on the floor
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
