I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
