i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
