Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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