New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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