4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
