it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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