oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
