but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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