Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
