I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
