just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
