I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
