I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
