A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
