watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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