I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
