Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my shit smells like andre
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How's work?
Spinning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
