You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
