You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
