today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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