I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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