I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
