Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
