how can u be prego again
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
