your thong is hanging out like whoa
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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