my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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