I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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