He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
