Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
