ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
