first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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