so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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