I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this just has baby written all over it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
