please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
