I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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