I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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