You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
