they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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