On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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