cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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