Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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