I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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