My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
