Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
