So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
