dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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