Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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