who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
