R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
