as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
