we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
