i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
